The Wrath of Swan/Transcript
(cut to Jack on the pegboard) Jack: Oh hey, Kim. Check out the new pegboard. It is a great upper body workout. Kim: Oh, so that's what that thing's for. Rudy's been drying his sweaty socks on it. Jack: Oh, I knew these pegs smell feety. Kim: So Jack, you, uh... wanna hang out Saturday night? Jack: Yeah, sure. What do you wanna do? Kim: Oh, I don't know, uh... hey, maybe we can swing by the Riverside Country Club for the Swan's Court Cotillion Ball of something. (Jack falls off the pegboard) Kim: Jack, are you okay? Jack: Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. But I am not going to any ball. I hate tuxedos. I can't dance. Oh, and one more thing-- I am a dude. Dudes don't do cotillions. (Milton and Jerry walk in) Milton: Hey. Jerry: (humming) Jack: They probably don't have anything to do this Saturday. Milton: Actually, we got roped into going to the Swan's Court Cotillion. Kim: What? Really? You guys are going to the cotillion? Milton: My mom's making me take her boss's dorky daughter. Jerry: And I'm taking her dorkier friend. Kim: Why are you going? Jerry: Because Milton's giving me 60 bucks and letting me watch his turtles go at it. Rudy: Ah, Jack, glad you're up there. The old swamp foot's kicking up something fierce. Hang this pair of socks up to dry for me, would ya? Jack: (grabs socks) Ugh, they're all wet! Jerry: It's just a pair of socks, dude. Man up. (gets hit with the socks), (screams) It's actually kind of nice. (music starts and fades to the theme song) Don't (don't) you (you) get all tough with me I'm sayin', won't (won't) you (you)come kick it with me And we can have a ball and run up the wall (hey!) That's just how we do(come on) And no matter how much I chop and punch, it's not as cool as kickin' it with you Here we go, let's start the party, chop it up like it's karate Everybody, don't (don't) you (you) get all tough with me I'm sayin', won't (won't) you (you) come kick it with me And we can have a ball and run up the wall(hey!) That's just how we do (This is how we do) And no matter how much I chop and punch, it's not as cool as kickin' it with you! (cut to Rudy at his office when Eddie comes in) Eddie: Hey, Rudy, I'm here for practice. Rudy: Whoa whoa whoa. Come in here. Dude, I didn't know you were an explorer scout. So was I. Shake? (Rudy an Eddie handshake), (both burbling) Eddie: I love being an explorer scout. This weekend is the Oakwood Derby out in the mall. I was gonna do it with my dad, but he'll be out of town. Rudy: What?! Dude, I'll do it with you. Eddie: Really? Rudy: Absolutely. Eddie: Thanks, Rudy. You know, the truth is: my dad's not good with scouting stuff. He tried to teach me how to build a fire by rubbing two sticks together. Rudy: What happened? Eddie: After three hours, he threw the sticks down and said, "I'm a computer salesman, not a dang caveman!" (cut to the Seaford High School) Kim: Frank, what do you want? Frank: We just wanted to let you know, Kim, we haven't forgotten how you disrespected us when you walked out on the Black Dragons. You know what they say about payback. (punches his food) Kim: You know you just punched your meatloaf, right? (cut to the lunch room) Jack: I-- I think your dates for the cotillion just walked in. Milton: Ugh, here comes the nerd herd. Jennie: Hey, Milton. Hi, Jerry. Jerry: Jennie. Wow. You rocking some new headgear? Jennie: My dentist said I was born with seven extra molars. And only five of them are in my mouth. Jerry: Where are the other two? Jennie: They're in my uvula. Jerry and Milton: (coughing), (gagging) Carrie: Hey, Milton. Milton: Oh, hi, Carrie. Those are some pretty thick glasses. Carrie: Not even. My thick glasses are in my locker. These are my sexy ones. See you Saturday, guys. Can't wait to get our swan on. (her and Jennie laughing) Jerry: (he and Milton fake laughter) See you. (cries) Man, what did you get this into? Jack: Wow. (sees Kim) There's Kim. I'll see you guys. (walks over to Kim's table) Hey, Kim. Snagged the last piece of red velvet cake for you. Kim: Thanks. I got an apple. Jack: I know you're mad about the cotillion. But trust me, you do not want me there, my manners are horrible. At any moment, this finger could be in any hole in my face. Kim: Jack, believe me, I'm over the cotillion. Brody: Hey, Kim. 'Sup, brochacho? Jack: I'm sorry. Who are you and what's a brochacho? Kim: Oh, this is the guy who stepped up and asked me to the cotillion, when you, you know, didn't. Although he's been here for just a short time, we've become very close. (whispers to Brody) ''What's your name again, hon? '''Brody:' Brody. Kim: Oh, his name's Brody. (looks back at Brody) Ooh, I like that. Jack: So, uh, Brody, you're taking Kim to the cotillion? Brody: Yeah, kinda like putting on a tuxedo and dancing the night away with my favorite lady. Jack: You've been here for three seconds. How is she your favorite lady? Kim: He said I'm his favorite lady. (cut to Eddie and Rudy working on the race car) Eddie: Let's get started on our race car. I'll read you the instructions. Rudy: Instructions? We don't need any instructions. (throws out the instructions) Did the Wright Brothers need instructions the first time they gracefully lifted off for their first flight? Eddie: Actually, on their first flight, they flew into the side of a barn. Rudy: Maybe we'll just take a peek at the instructions. Eddie: Yeah. Rudy: And don't worry, I won't let what happened to me happen to you. Eddie: I wasn't worrie- Rudy: I was a 12-year-old boy. My dad and I had worked on our car for weeks. (flashbacks to an old Oakwood Derby) Young Rudy: I'm gonna win. (looks at the kids) And then, all you guys are gonna have to invite me to all your birthday parties, whether I have lice or not. Oakwood Derby Judge: And three, two, one, go! (cars move), (he gets hurt by Rudy's car) Oh!!! Way to go, Rudy. I think you may have just fractured my skull. No badge for you. (flashback ends) Eddie: Rudy, I hate to tell you this, but since you never got your Oakwood Derby badge, you never technically made explorer scout. Rudy: What? I'm not an explorer scout? I've been living a lie? No, I-- I have to be an explorer scout. I mean, I can identify any plant. I can tie over 200 knots and I really really enjoy going to the bathroom in the woods. (makes a "Rudy Jumping In The Air" transition and cut to Brody and Kim practicing for the cotillion) (music playing) Jack: Wha---?? (turns off the music) Whoa whoa. What's going on in here? Kim: Uh, we're practicing our dancing for the cotillion. Jack: Yeah, not in here you're not. This is a dojo, brochacho. You ever been in a karate dojo before, Brody? Brody: Actually, this is my first time in a dojo. Kim: (cell phone chirps) It's my mom. She found me a great dress for the cotillion. I gotta go try it on. See you tomorrow, Brody. (Glares evily at Jack) Jack. Jack: Excuse me. I'm gonna get to work. (yells and breaks three boards) Brody: (barely audible) Whoa. (becomes audible again) Wow, three boards. I don't know anything about karate, but that's pretty impressive. Jack: Yep, that's how I roll. I'm gonna go change. Brody: See you around, Jack. How about four boards? (sets the boards up and breaks them) Ha! Jack: Pssh. Don't know anything about karate, huh? (fades out and fades back in to the lunch room) Jack: You know that guy Brody? Well, he's a liar. He said he didn't know anything about karate, but when he thought no one was looking, he broke four boards. Milton: Maybe they were Jerry boards. Jack: What's a Jerry board? Jerry: I pre-cut them to impress the ladies. They snap like toothpicks. Just a little trick I learned from "poser" magazine. Jack: There's just something I don't trust about this guy. Carrie: Hey, Milton. I got the flowers you sent. Milton: I-- I didn't send you any flowers. Carrie: I know. I sent them to myself and then signed your name. You owe me seventeen-fifty($) (laughs). Milton: Gah! Jerry: Dude, you just got played. See, my girl's bad, but she's nowhere near as bad as... Jennie: Thanks, Jerry. The chocolates are delicious. Milton: Where are you going? Jerry: I paid for that candy. I'm getting a piece of it. (cut to Frank and Brody) Frank: So, Kim has no idea that we asked you to take her to the cotrillion. Nope, that's not it. Castil-- cap-- Brody: Cotillion? Frank: That's it. Brody: Kim doesn't know a thing. I've done everything that you've asked me to do, so my initiation should be over. I wanna be a Black Dragon. Frank: You'll be a Black Dragon after the c-cotillion. Yes! (punches his food) Brody: You gotta stop punching your food. Frank: I know. I haven't had a meal in three days. (cut to the inside of the Bobby Wasabi dojo) Kickin' It With You (tools buzzing), (Rudy comes out), (steam hissing) Rudy: She's ready. Behold greatness. (shows his car) Eddie: Rudy, you can't just go in there and build the car and give it to me. Rudy: Oh, I'm not. This car is all mine and I'm driving her all the way to badge town, baby. Eddie: So this is about you becoming an official explorer scout? Rudy: It certainly is. This car is hand-milled with sport suspension and really really cool spinny rims. Eddie: It's just supposed to be made out of a block of wood. Rudy: It is made out of a block of wood. It just has, like, a million layers of awesome ! Eddie: You know what? Fine. I'll build the car myself. Rudy: Good. Hey, you mind if I use this scrap piece of wood to prop open my door? Eddie: This is my car! Rudy: Oh! No no, I mean, it looks great. Good luck with that. (Q''uickly runs into his office)'' (cut to the Swan's Court Cotillion) (instrumental music playing) Milton: I don't see our dates. Maybe we got stood up. Jerry: Hey, you still gotta pay me, okay? I want my 60 bucks and another turtle show. Jennie: Hi, guys. Sorry we're late. Milton: I think those hot girls are our dates. Jerry: Jenny? Carrie? Wait, what happened to the-- And your-- And the whole-- (fake laughter) Milton: I think we should find our table. Jerry: Oh, okay. Milton: Oh. Jerry: Let's go. Milton: Oh! (cut to Kim and Brody) Kim: Brody, I'm having the best time. Brody: I am too. And it's going to get even better. Somebody nominated us for king and queen of the Swan Court. Kim: That's crazy. But there's a lot of Black Dragons here and I don't think they're gonna vote for me. Brody: I don't know. I think we got a shot. (music turns on) Kim: Oh yeah, this is my jam. (dances) (cut to the bathroom) Milton: I'm freaking out! We're with the two prettiest girls at the dance. That's against the laws of nature, like the platypus. Frank: Black dragons in the bathroom now! All right, everyone knows what's going down with Kim, right? Milton and Jerry: *Gasps quietly and then runs into the bathroom) Brody: You know, Kim's actually a pretty cool girl. Frank: Who's gonna be sorry that she walked out on us. Wait a minute! You guys see that? Brody: Hey, who's in there? Milton: Uh, just two dudes trying to conserve water. Frank: Saving the planet, one potty at a time. Respect. Wait. (kicks down the door and sees Milton and Jerry) You two! Lock them in the storage closet. Milton: What are you gonna do to Kim? Frank: Don't worry about Kim. Jerry: Oh no, man, you can't do this. Have a heart. Our dates are smoking ! (''cut to the inside of the Bobby Wasabi dojo)'' Rudy: Tonight, I put an end to the lie that I've lived for the last 15 years. Jack: We all know you dye your hair, Rudy. Rudy: Not that lie. I'm talking about a completely different lie. Hey, who'd Kim end up taking to the cotillion anyway? Jack: This new kid Brody Carlson. Rudy: Brody? He's a first-degree black belt. I tried to recruit him, but he was dead set on being a Black Dragon. Jack: Brody's a Black Dragon? Oh, I knew there was something off about that guy. I gotta get to the cotillion. Aw man, I need a tux. Rudy: I got one in the office. I got it to convince a girl that I was a Vegas magician. Again, more lies. (makes a "Eddy Next To A Dummy" transition and cut to the Oakwood Derby) Oakwood Derby Judge: All right, cars to the starting line. In order to get your badge, your car must cross the finish line. Ready, set, go! (car race starts and Eddie's car does not cross the finish line) Oakwood Derby Judge: Aw, sorry, Eddie. Everyone crossed but you. Rudy: Eddie, wait. I want you to have this. Eddie: Rudy, if you put your car down on the track, you'll be disqualified. Rudy: I don't care. Look, there's no rule that says one car can't push the other one across the finish line. And, Eddie, you're gonna earn your badge. (kisses his car and puts it on the track) Crowd: Yes! - Yeah! - Yeah, yes! Yeah! Rudy: Good job. Oakwood Derby Judge: Wow. It wasn't pretty, but here's your badge, Eddie Eddie: Thank you. Rudy, I got my badge, but you're not going to get yours. Rudy: Eh. I think I owe you an apology. I was so hung up on the badge that I forgot what being a scout's all about-- just helping each other, man. Eddie: For a guy who's not really an explorer scout, You're the best explorer scout I've ever met. (cut to the cotillion) (applause) Announcer: This year's king and queen of the Swan's Court are Brody and Kim. Milton: Jack, the Black Dragons are here to get revenge on Kim. Jack: I know. I'm just trying to figure out how. Jerry: Dude, they locked us in the closet. Announcer: And now for the presentation of the crowns by our grand swan. (audience applause) Frank: (In the swan) I hope you like mushroom gravy, Kim. Jack: It's the swan! (all gasping) Frank: Ha ha ha ha! Kim: What just happened? Jack: Kim, Brody's a black dragon. He set you up. Kim: What? Brody: No. Kim, I had no idea. I-- (Frank shoots at Kim and everyone screams) Announcer: Oh, oh, oh, you look horrible. (more screaming) Announcer: (Is hit with the mushroom gravy) (Faints) Frank: Looks like we've got you outnumbered, six-to-two. Jerry: Three. Milton: Four! Brody: Five. Frank: You just made a big mistake. (everyone fights) (applause) Jack: Looks like the Black Dragons messed with the wrong swan queen. Brody: Guys, I'm sorry. I guess I was kind of a jerk, huh? Jack: Yeah, you kinda were. But you did come through in the end. Kim: Look at me-- - I'm a mess. Jack: I don't know-- I think brown's a good color on you. Give me that. Kim, I'm sorry. None of this would have happened if I had said yes when you asked me to go with you. Kim: Well, you're here now. I just got one question: Where did you get that tux? Jack: Oh, Rudy lent it to me. I don't know, I kinda like it. (pulls out flowers) Whoo. Kim: Where did those flowers just come from? Jack: I have no idea. Kim: Well, Brody won't be needing this anymore. Jack: Here's something I never though I'd say: You wanna dance? Kim: Sure. (music changes) Kim: Oh yeah! Finally something I can move to. Now, this is my jam. (Starts to dance) Jack: Whatever. You're the queen. (dances) (cut to Milton and Jerry) Jerry: Dude, the girls saw us kick Black Dragon butt. They think we're awesome. Milton: Do you know what this means? We got hot girlfriends . Jerry: Swag. Up top. (sighs) Milton: They sure have been in the bathroom for a while. Jennie: Hey, guys. (Jerry laughing and whimpering) Jerry: What happened? Carrie: It feels so good to get out of those stuffy gowns. Jennie: Oh, I feel so much better in my headgear. I could literally feel my molars misaligning. Carrie: And those contacts were killing me. I like having the old windshields back. Jennie: So, you wanna hang out? Milton: I guess. Jerry: Whatever. Kickin' It With You (fades out) (credits play) (theme song plays instrumental) (A variety of scenes play such as Jack in the building doing a karate pose, Rudy and Eddie doing a handshake, Jerry and Milton at the cotillion, Eddie and Rudy inside the dojo with their race cars, Jack at the cotillion, and Kim and Brody at the cotillion while Kim is dancing) Voiceover: Poor soul. (barking) (It's a Laugh Productions logo appears) (Disney XD logo plays) Voiceover: Yes! Category:Transcripts Category:Season 1 Category:Kickin' It